Cultural Sensitivity Epic Fail

I don't have many talents.   Really, I don't.   I'm really mostly passable at stuff.   I do have one super power that God must have known that I'd need . . . I don't embarrass easily.   I have pretty thick skin when it comes to what other people think of me and my brood.    My sister-in-law always was worried that her boys would yell "PENIS!" in the middle of Meijer so they learned that they have a "potty part."   They are now teenagers and next time one kicks the other I'm going to ask if it hurt their potty part.   I'm sure that will earn me a fantastic Christmas present!   I just never worry about that stuff.   I don't care if the old lady next to me squeezing melons (and by melons I mean . . .melons) thinks I'm a terrible mother.   Whatevs.    Until today . . . .

We were dining on our nuggets, waffle fries and sweet tea (Guess where we were?!?), Wyatt played in the play area.   I suddenly hear a crowd of small children belting out a very off-key version of One Direction. being led by Mr Personality.   I smile and shrug.   When you've got a teen sister, these things happen.   I'm pretty sure my brother knew every word to "Pour Some Sugar on Me" when he was 5.   I catch his eye and crook my finger to tell him it's time to come out.   He grabs his shoes, opens the door, and yells loud enough that the fry cook hears him  . . . .

"MOM!   I WAS PLAYING WITH BLACK FRIENDS!"

Cue the crickets.

Why Do These People Keep Asking Me for Food?

I'm back to talk about food. Glorious food. I love to cook.  I love to talk about recipes and cooking and ingredients and menu plans and all that jazz. What I don't love is impractical cooking. I have a family of six to feed three times per day, seven days a week, fifty two weeks per year . . . and so on. So while I certainly enjoy a meal of lobster bisque, spring green salad with pears and blue cheese, spinach stuffed fillets with a red wine reduction sauce, and creme brulee, that just doesn't fit with my life.  I need easy meals that are tasty and full of whole foods.   The rub with that is Googling "easy family meals" often gives me hits of "500 Ways to Cook with Velveeta and Condensed Cream Soups."     While I can handle a pan of Chicken and Stuffing once every few months or so, it's not what I'm looking for!    This frustration has fueled my quest.   (Insert suspense building music here.)   I have given up on   most of the cookbooks and recipe blogs and Food Network shows.   They just don't offer the perfect mix of fresh foods, quick meals, and budget-friendly that I'm looking to find.   

 So I have started my own list of meals and I'm on a quest to find the "perfect" version of each classic.   I don't pretend to be a chef.   I hate pretentious food.   I hate food drenched in anything grey . . . .well, except maybe biscuits and gravy.   Sausage gravy is a food when made well, can approach perfection!   I want to get a system down that encourages my kids to eat a while variety of foods but still fits with our 4-kids-in-3-different-schools-and-sports lifestyle.   I want to have tasty meal ideas at my fingertips so when it's 5:30 and everyone is screaming at me for dinner, I don't automatically reach for frozen pizzas or PB&J.  

I don't ask for much.  

Mom's Been Playing on You Tube Again

If you know any meaningless trivia about me, one item would be my ridiculous adoration of pop music. There's a song for every mood and moment.

Like this little ditty. . . perfect for playing out of your minivan sunroof on a 53 degree January day. In the carpool line at the Christian school.

Or this great tune that suddenly isn't so great when your first grader says she wants to be a member of the Mile High Club.



Or little tune for belting into your curling iron.



Or for those moments that you realize that you really like someone else's someone.



And finally for that moment when someone says STOP and you just have to finish it.

It's New Years Eve! Rip out the carpet!

I get the bug to rip stuff outta my house twice a year~September and January. It's like the blinders come off and I realize we live two boxes short of an episode of "Hoaders". It's a sickness. The rest of the year I am happy as a pig in mud. Literally. Now I find myself uttering things like . . .

"As long as we're ripping out the carpet, let's re-face the fireplace."

or

"For only $400 more, we could . . . ."

or

"Pass me the liquid nails and QUICK!"

Of course, I took no before pictures. I might take some during photos. Or not. I will take some afters. Maybe. If I can find a camera that works.

Jelly Fish and Other Cool Things in South Carolina

I'm a little slow. I got a new Mac Book in June~thank you Thirty One! I hit my sales goals for the first half of the year so I won a $1000 Best Buy gift card. Yippee!! So now I am cool and own a Mac. I have absolutely no clue how to use it. Hence, I am just now figuring out how to load pics from my ancient camera.

Hubby got a chance to do some sales calls in Savannah and some training in Columbia in August. Hmmm . . . what is nearby? Hilton Head, of course. So we made a family vacation out of it and had a fantastic time!

Amelia on the tire swing in Harbor Town park. Always the kids' favorite part of the island.

Caroline is all teenager now. She makes me feel so old.

Greta and Wyatt on the tire swing.

The beach! The beach! We spent two full days at Folly Field Beach. The waves were great and all four kids learned to body surf. We made the little kids wear the floaties just so we could spot them easily~I did realize that they are not life saving devices. Things were fabulous until the very end of the last day. Caroline was wading back out to drag Amelia back in to leave and she got wrapped up in a box jelly fish~the worst kind. Poor kid was miserable for two weeks and ended up with a skin infection. She has sworn off all nature from here on out.

Every year we go see Gregg Russell aka the Jerk Under the Tree. He is a Hilton Head institution but we all agreed that he's losing the magic. He totally phoned it in. Caroline asked him to sing her favorite song for her b/c it was her 13th birthday. He said he would and then didn't. Jerk.

Elf on the Shelf and Other Dumb @$$ Ideas

I resisted with my whole being but I was sucked in. All those cute Facebook posts and Pinterest pics . . . or more accurately Facebook posts with ideas lifted from Pinterest. They swayed me. Going into it, I had two large reservations.

1. How on earth was I going to remember to have Elf do something cute and oh-so-silly every night? I can barely remember to make their lunches or check their backpacks or any number of other important mommy jobs.

2. The purpose of the Elf is to report behavior back to Santa. Well, I might as well cancel Christmas then. I am not a fan of things that show my kids I'm a liar. While we have always had fun with the whole Santa thing, I have never tied it to good behavior. Santa brings us presents to celebrate Jesus's birthday. I didn't want to back myself into a corner.

I was going to be the FUN MOMMY! Well, the fun cheap mommy. No freakin' way I was going to fork over $30 for a creepy plastic elf. We took a cute little snowman ornament and created "Mr Snowman". Don't judge. I was a Poli Sci major, not a Creative Writing major. They are lucky I didn't name the dude Spiro Agnew. I explained how this shtick would work . . . Mr Snowman would go back to the North Pole at night and tell Santa all the dirt. That didn't sit well with Amelia AT ALL. She is no dummy.

So Day #1. We find Mr Snowman with his nose in the ice cream. Silly Mr Snowman. We all ate breakfast with the best manners ever. Hhhhmmmm . . . . maybe there was something to this. I am not above child manipulation.

Day #2. Mr Snowman is playing with Wyatt's cars when we wake up. Screaming ensues. "MY CARS!!!" Mr Snowman goes flying and leaves a lovely mark on the wall while Wyatt sobs "I don't want to share my cars!!!"

Well, that scared Mr Snowman. He is now living in the liquor cabinet until I can figure out what to do. Maybe he'll make me a martini.

Happy Holidays!

I really do like to blog. I am attempting to resurrect myself back into bloggy-land for like the fifth time. Let's see if I can stick to it for more than 4 months! How 'bout 2 posts per week? I started blogging again last winter as a way to process our new normal after a move to Indianapolis. Then Tim lost his job and life sucked for a while. I was not really digging that "new normal."

Christmas is less than two weeks away. Bah humbug. Why does this happen every year? I do love the Christmas spirit and all that but it is depressing that the holiday season seems to bring out the worst in people, especially Christians. What is that all about? Everyday I read ten more Facebook statues or links with people screaming that the clerk at Target wished them "Happy Holidays!" Or the town had the nerve to place a menorah in the park next to the manger scene. Or that the cartoon on TV talked about having a "Winter Party" instead of a Christmas party. Is this really a reason to have a temper tantrum? I understand people's feelings behind this but I really don't get the anger and then sense of entitlement. It makes me sad when I see Christians~or catch myself~acting in a way that is not loving. If we are going to act like petulant children why would anyone be interested in our Jesus? The Bible is not a weapon to smack people over the head. It is the very story of God's love for us.