My friend Leenie has an interesting discussion going on her blog about spoiled kids. This started out as a comment there but got a little long winded so I moved it here.
Often in our suburban culture we see who has what and we are all quick to make judgments based on that. While I do not know the pain of being stereotyped based on my race or appearance, people often make judgments about me based on my family. My family owns a profitable and publicly recognized business that bears the family name so I spent a lot of time growing up saying, "Yes, I am related to them." I realized this sounds a little like a "poor little rich girl" pity party but hang with me here! I am forever grateful that my parents were able to provide for my sister, brother and I. We all got the gift of a Christian education all the way through college. We got to travel and experience lots great things. My parents were able to assist my grandparents as they aged.
There is an assumption that if parents spend money on their kids they do not spend time with them or teach them anything valuable. Why is it one or the other? It is possible to be a good parent and have money. People make assumptions about me all the time based on my family's income level and sometimes that is really painful. I did not have things handed to me~with the exception of my college education I worked for things (my Guess jeans, my first car, ect.) just like everyone else. My parents were great parents and taught me all the same things that parents who weren't as well-off taught their kids. Spoiled is a mind set, not a dollar amount. Spoiling kids is teaching them the universe revolves around them. You can do that in lots of ways that do not involve money.
Yes, my kids wear name brand clothes. They have American Girl Dolls. They also do not own a gaming system or battery powered vehicles. They have never been to WDW. It's all relative. There will always be someone who spends $1 less on their kids and will call your kids spoiled. Holding a ruler up to a family and making judgments on how they spend their money is stereotyping. They are lots of well-off parents who are teaching their kids unconditional love and respect just as they are lots of parents who struggle financially and don't teach their kids these things. Judging people based on income or possessions is just as wrong as judging people on any other outside criteria.
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7 comments:
AMEN SISTER!!! Why do we nit pick each other about what we have or don't have. It all boils down to an issue of Jealousy. If you have what I want, I have a problem with you. No really my problem is with God because he chose to give you more than me. I think if we all recognized that it would greatly change our perspective. Who cares whether someone has more than another? Even the poorest person in this country, would be the richest in others. We are all spoiled!!!!!! Being poor doesn't make you more holy, just as being wealthy doesn't make you a heathen!!
I agree: We used to get the comment "Boy--you guys must be rich" when I was working full time. It really bothered me when people said that. Just because I was making a great income and Dan's makes a pretty decent amount we were able to buy nice things all the time. Now that I am home part time, I don't get that as much but I do miss the income but like staying home and being there w/ the kids.
I just wish that everyone would know that having money doesnt mean you have the best life. Look at my cousins. They were handed everything they wanted and although one does very well for himself, two have died (one in his 20's and other in 30's) due to their reckless lifestyle. I used to be jealous of them growing up because they had the latest and greatest but I wouldn't trade places now.
But did they have a reckless lifestyle because they had things or because of other choices that they made in their life?
Basically both, they got away with everything. Their parents would buy them things just to get them out of their hair. They were reckless...they would reck a car and the parents would just buy a new one. They could have gone to any college they wanted and not one of them went. They were never taught responsiblity. It's really sad because they were like brothers to us.
Hey-also, I never mentioned spoiled in my post. I never count other people's money and actually could care less how much everyone makes. I'm not sure how my "I am proud of" turned into this.
I know you didn't~never said you did. The comments left on your blog got me thinking in my own direction. That's why I posted here instead of as a comment on your blog b/c it wasn't really related to your post.
I think that we are all trying our best...sometimes it's enough and sometimes we we fall short. We need our girlfriends to encourage us when we do well and encourage and help us when we fall short. Judgment never comes without a price...it's a dangerous thing.
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