THIS is what I do all day

So what do you do ALL DAY LONG? I have been asked this question no less that a zillion times. Ya really wanna know? I'll tell you.

4:12 am - 4:44am Listen to thunder and husband cursing thunder.

5:08 am Husband's alarm goes off. Thank you, Jesus. Now I can get some sleep!

7:26am Amelia peeks in my face. "Mommy! Are you awake?" I am now.

7:30-8:15 Shower and other incidentals.

8:15-8:40 Welcome three more children to spend the day and chat with said children's mother about the large Uzbekistan-shaped welt on my thigh.

8:40-8:45 Inhale cold leftovers from dinner for breakfast.

8:45-9:00 Become distracted by an old episode of MTV's "Juvies" because my friend Lloyd is the attorney. Cool.

9:00-11:00 Take two children to the Urgent Care to check out said welt. Feel like a statistic without health insurance. Try not to scratch. Answer a thousand questions about what this is. And what that is. And why that lady is so fat.

11:00-12:00 Browse Target while waiting for script to treat said welt. Dodge Dutch people. Duck behind giant Back to School display to scratch.

12:15-1:30 Feed leftover children, change a diaper, throw in a load of laundry, unload and re-load the dishwasher.

1:30-1:54 Eat my own lunch while watching the last episode of MTV's "16 and Pregnant" Poor Kailyn. Her mom's a . . . .not nice lady. Man, I love that show.

2:00-3:00 Clean up kitchen. Return reluctant paci-less boy to his room. Repeat. Pick up family room. Return boy to room. Sing "Jesus Loves Me" which was NOT what he wanted. Evidently, he prefers "Jesus Twinkle Star". Not sure of the lyrics to that.

3:00-3:42 Clean up kitchen. Again. Hand out popsicles. Hand out juice. Tell the children for the 89th time today. "NO standing by the neighbor's pool while looking hot and pathetic." Sing "Twinkle Star Jesus" Chase the dog down the street. Free boy from his room. Clip 30 toe nails and 30 finger nails.

3:45 Give up and blog.

4:00-4:19 Unload dishwasher. Make dinner.

4:30-Bedtime. Cradle a fifth of vodka.