Sunday, July 16, 2006

You Might Be a Dutch Calvinist If. . .

* You finish the food on your plate in a restaurant even though it is burnt or otherwise unsuitable for human consumption
* You reused plastic margarine containers long before anyone heard of the environmental movement
* You have a two-volume address book. Volume I: A-U Volume II: V-Z
* You have never skipped church to watch the Superbowl
* Your main contribution in increased gender equality was to switch from KING to Wilhelmina brand peppermints
* Your range of restaurant choice is restricted to the contents of a "Buy One Meal, Get One Free" coupon book that you bought to support missionaries in Sierra Leone
* You wipe the last of the butter out of the container with your roll
* Your mother's hairdo is the same at your wedding as it was at hers
* Your closet is divided into work clothes and Sunday clothes
* Your church attendance record is not interrupted by childbirth
* Your Sunday routine resembles this: Church, coffee, roast beef, green beans, a nap, and Church
* You have a front room but never sit in it
* All your cookies taste like almond
* You make the bed in a hotel room
* The last tip you left in a restaurant was "Don't wear so much makeup" and "A little quicker with the coffee
* You have always been to church on New Years Eve
* You can sing "eere zij God" even though you can't speak Dutch
* You think that being progressive means discarding the Psalter Hymnal in favor of the Steve Green songs on the overhead
* Seeing hands in the air during worship causes you to look around for a stickup man
* You are still trying to justify owning a dishwasher
* On summer vacation you couldn't swim, only wading up to your knees was allowed
* At your wedding, everyone was swaying, but no one was dancing
* You have attended worship services at a campground amphitheater
* You know what an afghan is
* You have lace on your windows, but not on your underwear
* Your two permanent Saturday jobs are to wash the car and make sure you have enough single bills for the offering plate
* All of your recipes are adapted to fit into a 9X13 pan
* You can't imagine a funeral reception without ham on buns
* The Usher never has to ask you where you want to sit.

13 comments:

Carol said...

What about...
you know what this means: The blue or the grey one?

JD said...

the funeral luncheon has to also have potato chips (lays, I believe) and lemon fluff cake.

Amanda said...

Jen, did your mom forget to comb out her curls before HER wedding pictures, too?!?!?!?!? :) :) :)

kkoois said...

how in the WORLD did you know that, amanda?!?!

Amanda said...

One night at Calvin, we went to Jen and Tim's apt. and looked at wedding pics...you pointed out your mom's hair 'style'. :)

kkoois said...

i can't believe you remember that! that is a riot.

Josh Leo said...

JD, Lemon fluff cake from Wolf's Bakery in Evergreen Park... that is the end all of funeral food

Christine said...

I bought a lemon cake for Emily's birthday and all my parents kept saying was "This tastes like funeral cake!" Thanks Mom & Dad

Carol said...

Hi, Jen! How did your move go? Hope you're doing okay!

JD said...

come out come out wherever you are!

Mommy Brain said...

Is the Comcast guy there yet? Tell him we are waiting!

Kary said...

jen? where are you? I will convert to dutchism if you come back soon~I will even bring ham buns to our next gathering~I'll change Millie's name to Wilhelmina~my closet is already divided into a sunday clothes section, and I love alomond. Where are you?

one hot momma said...

Jen, is your computer not working? Where have you gone, are you shoulder deep in moving boxes? Have you gotten stuck in your new pantry? Just let us know you're out there!!! We miss you!