Thursday, September 06, 2007

Access Hollywood

Candi and I participated in the weekly ritual of all SAHMs who have reached their limit yesterday. We went to the McDonald's playland. While Amelia, Greta, and Sam ran around like loons, Candi and I fielded the question "Are they twins?" about 700 hundred times. We had inadvertantly dressed Wyatt and Camden almost exactly alike.

Did you ever notice that McDonald's playland is a little like Hollywood? All those kids with minimal supervision and you have all your big players.

Donald Trump~This is the little boy in khakis and a polo yelling "NO! This is MY part of the slide!" When any child comes to play, Donald yells "You're fired!" and sends the poor soul scurrying back to Mommy.

Angelina Jolie~This is the Mommy soul of the group. This little girl shows up with 3 dolls and spends all her time checking out the babies who are in carriers. She then proceeds to tell you that she is the MOMMY and begs to hold the baby.

Paris Hilton~This is the girl who comes to play in a pink tutu, tube top, glitter heels, and a tiara. Often that is all she is wearing. We are not talking a kid who just wanted to wear sparkles and mom didn't feel like arguing. This is the 3 yr old who thinks she is 18 and mom thinks it's cute. She spends most of her time disdaining every girl who is not dressed as she is.

Lindsey Lohan~This is the child who can not walk a straight line and Mommy is the pusher. This little one spends half the time over by mom taking a hit off her inhaler while Mom regales the latest tale of how she spent time in the ER for "exhaustion"

Chris Farley~Little Chris shows up to play in shorts that are a Men's Size 42 and a T shirt down to the floor. He eats his Happy Meal, his brother's Happy Meal, and then scans the floor for stray french fries. He is peering over the edge of every booth asking, "Y'all gonna finish that?"

Rosie O'Donnell~This girl is just pi$$ed. She complains about everything. Loudly. And no one is quite sure if she is a she or a he. When in doubt ask mom what the tyke's name is. Hope it's not Jordan.

K-Fed~This is the kid with a tatoo and you are not sure if it's real or not. He's also got an earring. He's not yet potty trained but he can kick your a$$ for sure.

Pay attention next time you visit the playland and you might see something new!


Mommy Brain said...

Did you think of this yourself...or did you steal it from some other blog?? If you did...than I'd have to rate you right up there with the mom2my6pack fame!!!! Brilliant and a little disturbing! I hate McDonald's playland and kudo's to you guys for even attempting it.

Amanda said...

That is hilarious, Jen...and SO true!!! :)

Heaven Sent said...

This is a GREAT post! So funny. I have yet to brave a Playland, but now I think I might have to for the pure entertainment! Thanks for the laughs!

candi said...

Which one is my kid???

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