Fly Lady is Dumb

It's a new year! So what does that mean? It means get organized! Stop snorting. It could happen. In my continuous quest to justify my SAHM-ness, I have been obsessively reading blogs this week. I'm searching for new routines. New file folders. New pretty smelling candles. New shampoo. Anything to change me into a mom fit for the pages of the Pottery Barn. After scouring the World Wide Web, I have come to one conclusion. The World Wide Web is full of NUTJOBS? Where do these women live? What do they slip into their children's nighttime glass o' water? Some lady tells me to make my bed as soon as my feet hit the floor. If I did that, there would be at least 2 children, a dog, and Tim's work clothes in it. I don't even know my left from my right when I first wake up. Who is going to be in my bedroom the makes it necessary to make the bed? Another tells me to gather my children for morning prayer time. I can't gather my children to eat candy together without flailing. Another tells me to unload the dishwasher within the first 5 minutes. Why? So you can load it on Minute 6? Yet another gives me a "First Five Minutes" list that says

1. Make bed.
2. Open shades.
3. Start load of laundry.
4. Unload dishwasher.
5. Take shower.

Seriously? Why would I open the shades BEFORE showering? So the neighbors can watch? My list would be more along the lines of

1. Tell Amelia to stop poking me. I know my alarm has been going off for 20 minutes.
2. Run to the bathroom like a new potty trained toddler.
3. Jump on Caroline's bed for 5 minutes until she falls out of it.
4. Brush my teeth and then realize I used Tim's toothbrush. Ew.
5. Fall asleep on the bathroom floor.

I really do want to be organized. Just not but whack-a-dos. I'll start by alphabetizing my liquor cabinet. That will make every morning go more smoothly.