Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Fly Lady is Dumb

It's a new year! So what does that mean? It means get organized! Stop snorting. It could happen. In my continuous quest to justify my SAHM-ness, I have been obsessively reading blogs this week. I'm searching for new routines. New file folders. New pretty smelling candles. New shampoo. Anything to change me into a mom fit for the pages of the Pottery Barn. After scouring the World Wide Web, I have come to one conclusion. The World Wide Web is full of NUTJOBS? Where do these women live? What do they slip into their children's nighttime glass o' water? Some lady tells me to make my bed as soon as my feet hit the floor. If I did that, there would be at least 2 children, a dog, and Tim's work clothes in it. I don't even know my left from my right when I first wake up. Who is going to be in my bedroom the makes it necessary to make the bed? Another tells me to gather my children for morning prayer time. I can't gather my children to eat candy together without flailing. Another tells me to unload the dishwasher within the first 5 minutes. Why? So you can load it on Minute 6? Yet another gives me a "First Five Minutes" list that says

1. Make bed.
2. Open shades.
3. Start load of laundry.
4. Unload dishwasher.
5. Take shower.

Seriously? Why would I open the shades BEFORE showering? So the neighbors can watch? My list would be more along the lines of

1. Tell Amelia to stop poking me. I know my alarm has been going off for 20 minutes.
2. Run to the bathroom like a new potty trained toddler.
3. Jump on Caroline's bed for 5 minutes until she falls out of it.
4. Brush my teeth and then realize I used Tim's toothbrush. Ew.
5. Fall asleep on the bathroom floor.

I really do want to be organized. Just not but whack-a-dos. I'll start by alphabetizing my liquor cabinet. That will make every morning go more smoothly.


Mommy Brain said...

two in two days...holy hearing your voice..keep writing.

Kingdom Mama said...

Ahahahaha! Thanks for the laugh, girl. This was great!:)

Kim said...

Ha! Love it. I did the same thing looking at tips/ideas and just decided they are all better moms than me! The only thing I did implement that seemed to work a little bit was when entering a room pick up 5 things each time instead of tackling a crazy toy mess at all once. That seemed to be a bit more manageable for me - however not so much right now since I can't bend over because of my abdominal surgery! Happy New Year Jen!

Kary said...

Alphabetizing my liquor cabinet. Hmmmmm. . .yes. yes. That makes perfect sense. . .if only I could keep enough stocked.

Amy D said...

HA HA HA! This is me:

Another tells me to unload the dishwasher within the first 5 minutes. Why? So you can load it on Minute 6?

Like seriously, I WAIT for the dishes to be cool enough to touch them so I can get them out of there.... just to load it again. (that's only when we are desperate for dishes though. Which might be all the time)

Jen said...

I am sitting here at midnight laughing so hard I am crying!!!!!!!!!!! I love your blog, Jen! Keep writing. It is like I still get to see you every day in HS and you are passing me notes between Biology and Bible class! I am with you on the organizing and people and thier "programs". I tried to do the fly lady thing for a while and then fell off the bandwagon. Ever since Christmas our house has looked like a bomb has hit it! There are still a few Christmas presents in the living room, the vacuum cleaner is always out and I am in the "middle" of cleaning the floor - which never gets done as the kids are tracking in all the yucky dirty, salty snow multiple times a day! Anyway, keep your blogs coming! I so enjoy them! Also, keep the weekend of April 12 - 17 open. . . Rock of Ages is going to be on Tour in Indy. It is so GREAT! and you would love it! All about 80's head banging bands and your man, Constantine is the male lead!!!!!!! Whooo hooo!

Shay said...

oh my word, hilarious & true! I signed up for Fly Lady emails a few years ago and wanted to stick a fork in my eye after about two days. Forty emails a day about how to be a perky housewife. no thanks!