I had a bit of a last minute OB visit yesterday. Since it was last minute, I needed to bring Greta and Amelia with me. OK, we can handle this. Lots of bribes, a handful of little people, and a bag of M&Ms should do the trick. And it did. With 2 exceptions.
As one must do at all OB appointments, one must tinkle in a cup. Now this is hard enough with a pregnany belly in the way but with an audience of 2 very interested little girls it was near impossible. And the entire office heard play-by-play. With an echo. So here I am. Seated on the throne with a girl at each knee staring at my crotch like it was about to spew candy or something.
Scene 1. Setting: Bathroom at the OB office.
Ameila: "MOMMY! You went potty in that cup! Cups are not for tinkle. Cups are for drinking!"
Greta: "MOMMY! TINKLE! CUP!! POTTY!!! MEEE TOOOO! I do it myself!!!!"
Amelia: "Why you go tinkle in that cup? Now what are you doing Mommy? Why are you putting that cup in the hole? WOW! Mommy! That hole spins! Where did your tinkle go? (yelling into the revolving window to the nurses) GIVE BACK my MOMMY's Cup! There's tinkle in there!"
Greta: "MOMMY! TINKLE! CUP! MYSLEF!!!"
Amelia: "When I get big and have a baby come out my tummy I will get to go tinkle in cup. Not you Greta. You a baby."
Greta: "I NOT a baby. I Getta. I potty cup. I do MYSELF!!"
Did I mention that the walls are paper thin? I can hear the nurses chuckling.
SCENE #2 Exam room.
Amelia is laying on the floor with Little People up her shirt. Doc walks in. Doc is a woman.
Amelia: "Hi Nurse. I have a baby coming out of my tummy. Can you get the doctor to pull it out my bottom?"
Doc: "Hi Honey, I'm the Doctor."
Amelia: "No you not. Doctors are boys and you are a girl. Girls are nurses."
Seriously, this is what my kid said. Is she learning everything about medicine from Marcus Welby MD?! I'm shocked she didn't tell Doc that she was going to have her baby on the kitchen table in the log cabin! And who told her babies come "out the bottom"?!? Ugh.