Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Peeing In a Cup is Not a Spectator Sport

I had a bit of a last minute OB visit yesterday. Since it was last minute, I needed to bring Greta and Amelia with me. OK, we can handle this. Lots of bribes, a handful of little people, and a bag of M&Ms should do the trick. And it did. With 2 exceptions.

As one must do at all OB appointments, one must tinkle in a cup. Now this is hard enough with a pregnany belly in the way but with an audience of 2 very interested little girls it was near impossible. And the entire office heard play-by-play. With an echo. So here I am. Seated on the throne with a girl at each knee staring at my crotch like it was about to spew candy or something.

Scene 1. Setting: Bathroom at the OB office.

Ameila: "MOMMY! You went potty in that cup! Cups are not for tinkle. Cups are for drinking!"

Greta: "MOMMY! TINKLE! CUP!! POTTY!!! MEEE TOOOO! I do it myself!!!!"

Mommy: "SSSHHHHHHHHH!"

Amelia: "Why you go tinkle in that cup? Now what are you doing Mommy? Why are you putting that cup in the hole? WOW! Mommy! That hole spins! Where did your tinkle go? (yelling into the revolving window to the nurses) GIVE BACK my MOMMY's Cup! There's tinkle in there!"

Greta: "MOMMY! TINKLE! CUP! MYSLEF!!!"

Mommy: "SSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Amelia: "When I get big and have a baby come out my tummy I will get to go tinkle in cup. Not you Greta. You a baby."

Greta: "I NOT a baby. I Getta. I potty cup. I do MYSELF!!"

Did I mention that the walls are paper thin? I can hear the nurses chuckling.

SCENE #2 Exam room.
Amelia is laying on the floor with Little People up her shirt. Doc walks in. Doc is a woman.

Amelia: "Hi Nurse. I have a baby coming out of my tummy. Can you get the doctor to pull it out my bottom?"

Doc: "Hi Honey, I'm the Doctor."

Amelia: "No you not. Doctors are boys and you are a girl. Girls are nurses."

Seriously, this is what my kid said. Is she learning everything about medicine from Marcus Welby MD?! I'm shocked she didn't tell Doc that she was going to have her baby on the kitchen table in the log cabin! And who told her babies come "out the bottom"?!? Ugh.

8 comments:

amanda said...

Oh.My.Goodness. I'm so glad I didn't have something in my mouth or it would have spewed all over my screen. That is priceless. Embarassing, yes, but priceless all the same. :)

melissa :) said...

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!

Shawnie said...

...but since it was the midwife, Amelia is technically correct!! And what does she have to say about Mr. VanderWells?

i am not said...

This is awesome.

Mommy Brain said...

A crotch that spews candy...very interesting word picture...hmmm!

Carol said...

ROFL, too! Christine, I had to go back to original post to read that again! That is funny!
Jen, hope everything is okay! Baby okay? Mommy okay?
That could be a great activity for the girls ... maybe you need a half hour nap or so ... give them a package of solo cups and have at it!

Becky said...

LMAO! That is the funniest thing I've ever heard! I have to take Clara with me to my OB appointment next week... now I know what to expect! :-)

Heaven Sent said...

I LOVE THIS POST!!! I am seriously laughting outloud right now -- this is too priceless.

I am sharing this post... sorry, but it's too funny to keep to myself!